"What is grace if not life turned upside down? For no one in his right mind would take the good that he himself has done in order to measure another's motives and deeds." Em Sept. 28, 2010
Inspired by Brennan Manning
Ragamuffin Gospel
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Laughter and Tears
Laugh:
1. To express certain emotions, especially mirth or delight, by a series of spontaneous, usually unarticulated sounds often accompanied by corresponding facial and bodily movements
2. To show or feel amusement or good humor
3. To feel a triumphant or exultant sense of well-being
Cry:
1. To sob or shed tears because of grief, sorrow, or pain
2. To make a loud utterance of an emotion, such as fear, anger, or despair
3. To weep
Although these actions are quite opposite in theory, the commonality I see between calls for praise to be given to the Creator. Recently, I have found myself responding to the crevasses of my soul with either a bubbling resonation of sound or an overwhelming ocean of teardrops. Both remind me of how human I am, and at the same time, how very spiritual I am as well. Although both put a stutter in my step, they bring me a sense of meaning and purpose. They connect my soul with that of another. No matter how brief or impersonal the relationship between those of us laughing, in that instant we are united. We are closer than we were before just for sharing that glimpse of Sonshine together. Further still, it is in the midst of anxiety and sorrow that I realize the depth by which I am connected to the soul over which I cry. Yet oddly enough it is when the rain of my heart pours over my cheeks that I feel the most disconnected from that very person.
Now upon face value it sounds as if I am losing it, but I am not. Why? ... Because out of all of these contradictions, both my laughter and tears affirm the value of life….with all it’s complexity, with all of its and/or(s). It is at the origin of these two emotional responses that I experience the reason for living, to LOVE….both the journey and the people in it. For I believe that our earthly experience would be a canvas of gray…not even a black and white sketch, for the color distinction signifies something more brilliant than the meaningless fog of gray. What I mean is….without laughter and tears to remind us how valuable each encounter with another thinking… breathing… hoping individual is, would we understand the depth of Christ’s sacrifice? So for me, it is through my laughter and tears that the color of life is revealed at its true brilliance. I mean, do you not think the Savior fully experienced the value of humanity prior, during, before, and after His death? Really, didn’t he once laugh with those who the tears of heaven wept for that day? Furthermore, would He have experienced the intensity of the anguish He did had He not recognized the loss He felt as the Father turned away?
He knew what He was missing…what we were missing (perfect communion with the FATHER!
So crazy to think that without the laughter, the tears might not hurt as badly. However, if there was only ever laughter…I might not experience His strength in my weakness…I might take for granted those most dear… for my tears reveal the depth of my love.
To laugh and to cry: divided in theory yet united in love. I will strive for love unconditional…in which there is sunshine after the rain… where laughter and tears perform a beautiful dance under the rainbow created by both sunlight and precipitation…partners in need of one another in order for me to experience true reality!
1. To express certain emotions, especially mirth or delight, by a series of spontaneous, usually unarticulated sounds often accompanied by corresponding facial and bodily movements
2. To show or feel amusement or good humor
3. To feel a triumphant or exultant sense of well-being
Cry:
1. To sob or shed tears because of grief, sorrow, or pain
2. To make a loud utterance of an emotion, such as fear, anger, or despair
3. To weep
Although these actions are quite opposite in theory, the commonality I see between calls for praise to be given to the Creator. Recently, I have found myself responding to the crevasses of my soul with either a bubbling resonation of sound or an overwhelming ocean of teardrops. Both remind me of how human I am, and at the same time, how very spiritual I am as well. Although both put a stutter in my step, they bring me a sense of meaning and purpose. They connect my soul with that of another. No matter how brief or impersonal the relationship between those of us laughing, in that instant we are united. We are closer than we were before just for sharing that glimpse of Sonshine together. Further still, it is in the midst of anxiety and sorrow that I realize the depth by which I am connected to the soul over which I cry. Yet oddly enough it is when the rain of my heart pours over my cheeks that I feel the most disconnected from that very person.
Now upon face value it sounds as if I am losing it, but I am not. Why? ... Because out of all of these contradictions, both my laughter and tears affirm the value of life….with all it’s complexity, with all of its and/or(s). It is at the origin of these two emotional responses that I experience the reason for living, to LOVE….both the journey and the people in it. For I believe that our earthly experience would be a canvas of gray…not even a black and white sketch, for the color distinction signifies something more brilliant than the meaningless fog of gray. What I mean is….without laughter and tears to remind us how valuable each encounter with another thinking… breathing… hoping individual is, would we understand the depth of Christ’s sacrifice? So for me, it is through my laughter and tears that the color of life is revealed at its true brilliance. I mean, do you not think the Savior fully experienced the value of humanity prior, during, before, and after His death? Really, didn’t he once laugh with those who the tears of heaven wept for that day? Furthermore, would He have experienced the intensity of the anguish He did had He not recognized the loss He felt as the Father turned away?
He knew what He was missing…what we were missing (perfect communion with the FATHER!
So crazy to think that without the laughter, the tears might not hurt as badly. However, if there was only ever laughter…I might not experience His strength in my weakness…I might take for granted those most dear… for my tears reveal the depth of my love.
To laugh and to cry: divided in theory yet united in love. I will strive for love unconditional…in which there is sunshine after the rain… where laughter and tears perform a beautiful dance under the rainbow created by both sunlight and precipitation…partners in need of one another in order for me to experience true reality!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Who’s Really the Padawan?
In the midst of it all, I forget to document externally all that I etch within. If only I had the ability to instantaneously download my thoughts into written form! Of course, I would only utilize this ability on a voluntary basis, such as while driving in the jeep, sitting in class, or rocking on the front porch swing. But better yet, there are times right in the heart of an experience that I would love to click into download-mode in order to capture the words, ideas, & hopes that unite with my feelings and immediate environment to create a beautiful moment.
Over the last few months, I have become more aware of the small yet tremendously significant moments that have been given to me. These are instances of great joy, increased depth of understanding, surrender to God’s sovereignty, and the overwhelming recognition of the fragility and wonder of life. Wow… the end right there sounded a little like a bad 1970s birthing video, lol….however, I meant it in all sincerity as to the raw emotions and thoughts that have permeated the externals of my world and have begun to reside within my heart.
Today as I was reading, I again came across a statement about the power of supportive adults in students’ lives. "Adults inescapably exercise immense influence in the lives of teens-positive and negative, passive and active. The question therefore, is not whether adults exert influence, but what kinds of influence they exert (Christian Smith, Soul Searching, 28). I truly support this statement and strongly believe that I am wired to take hold of it with vigor, and thus respond to this reality so that the positive and active is present. However, if I only focus on this part of the equation, I become stifled by my imperfections, lack of confidence, and minimal experience. I overanalyze and hyper-focus on the ‘me’ part of everything. I do not consider the power of the Holy Spirit and the spiritual perspective that ties ‘his/her’ story with my story, and that of the Savior’s story. I want to delight in how all three: student, Jesus, and me all blend together. I want Him to break through the imperfections, timidity, and novelty and be who I can’t, see beyond the now, and do the unthinkable.
I recognize that He is the main character, and I at best am a co-star. However, the idea that I as an adult can make an impact on students almost places students as the audience, rather than an active player in the story, and I do not believe this to be the only case. In fact, more often than not I believe we are on this journey together, and I just as readily as they, have the opportunity to learn from the Holy Spirit and speak into my life. Most recently it has been impressed upon me the privilege I have been given to learn from the students who have been placed in my life. It is this acknowledgement that encourages me to attempt to immortalize some of my most cherished moments to date as a person who is ‘striving to represent Christ well and actually live life with students.’
As I will not be able to as vividly portray what is scrap-booked in my mind’s eye, I hope to capture enough in a string of words so that in years to come I can recall with brilliant color these intimate and profound moments….
Royal family…dinner…movie…just 3
School…jeep…notes….present at the classroom door
Wednesday nights…driving…sharing….learning
Discipline…tears…self-disclosure…consolation…hope
Gym…basketball…clarification…conversation…simplicity
Poverty…chaos…pleading…tears…truth…foundation
Home…laughter…games…family
Starlight…community…freedom…joy
First day of school…letter…smiles
Fear…panic…prayerful dependence…encouragement…peace
Conversation…safety…trust…accolades
Good night…prayers…confidantes
The 7-11 jaded soul…random conversation…prayer…seed planted
Windows down (or broken, lol)…country music…renovation
Status update…encouragement…bear hug
Music…worship…uninhibited…friends
Project… nervousness…surprise…gratitude
Miscommunication…hurt…unconditional love wins
…to those who helped create these moments, I love you!
So, I wonder if the way I feel in these moments is like the way God feels about us when we grow in our knowledge of who He is or when we act in response to the Holy Spirit in a way that stretches us and speaks Truth into the surrounding brokenness. What if the flutter of joy and the irrevocable smile that overtakes me when I reflect upon these moments is experienced by our Creator and Savior when we worship Him by merely leaning to His rhythm? How can that not further stir in me a desire to love those precious to me all the better and to be aware of those He would like to add to my world?
I always want to be a student of the generation who Jesus commissioned to spread His story across the world!!!!!!!!!
Over the last few months, I have become more aware of the small yet tremendously significant moments that have been given to me. These are instances of great joy, increased depth of understanding, surrender to God’s sovereignty, and the overwhelming recognition of the fragility and wonder of life. Wow… the end right there sounded a little like a bad 1970s birthing video, lol….however, I meant it in all sincerity as to the raw emotions and thoughts that have permeated the externals of my world and have begun to reside within my heart.
Today as I was reading, I again came across a statement about the power of supportive adults in students’ lives. "Adults inescapably exercise immense influence in the lives of teens-positive and negative, passive and active. The question therefore, is not whether adults exert influence, but what kinds of influence they exert (Christian Smith, Soul Searching, 28). I truly support this statement and strongly believe that I am wired to take hold of it with vigor, and thus respond to this reality so that the positive and active is present. However, if I only focus on this part of the equation, I become stifled by my imperfections, lack of confidence, and minimal experience. I overanalyze and hyper-focus on the ‘me’ part of everything. I do not consider the power of the Holy Spirit and the spiritual perspective that ties ‘his/her’ story with my story, and that of the Savior’s story. I want to delight in how all three: student, Jesus, and me all blend together. I want Him to break through the imperfections, timidity, and novelty and be who I can’t, see beyond the now, and do the unthinkable.
I recognize that He is the main character, and I at best am a co-star. However, the idea that I as an adult can make an impact on students almost places students as the audience, rather than an active player in the story, and I do not believe this to be the only case. In fact, more often than not I believe we are on this journey together, and I just as readily as they, have the opportunity to learn from the Holy Spirit and speak into my life. Most recently it has been impressed upon me the privilege I have been given to learn from the students who have been placed in my life. It is this acknowledgement that encourages me to attempt to immortalize some of my most cherished moments to date as a person who is ‘striving to represent Christ well and actually live life with students.’
As I will not be able to as vividly portray what is scrap-booked in my mind’s eye, I hope to capture enough in a string of words so that in years to come I can recall with brilliant color these intimate and profound moments….
Royal family…dinner…movie…just 3
School…jeep…notes….present at the classroom door
Wednesday nights…driving…sharing….learning
Discipline…tears…self-disclosure…consolation…hope
Gym…basketball…clarification…conversation…simplicity
Poverty…chaos…pleading…tears…truth…foundation
Home…laughter…games…family
Starlight…community…freedom…joy
First day of school…letter…smiles
Fear…panic…prayerful dependence…encouragement…peace
Conversation…safety…trust…accolades
Good night…prayers…confidantes
The 7-11 jaded soul…random conversation…prayer…seed planted
Windows down (or broken, lol)…country music…renovation
Status update…encouragement…bear hug
Music…worship…uninhibited…friends
Project… nervousness…surprise…gratitude
Miscommunication…hurt…unconditional love wins
…to those who helped create these moments, I love you!
So, I wonder if the way I feel in these moments is like the way God feels about us when we grow in our knowledge of who He is or when we act in response to the Holy Spirit in a way that stretches us and speaks Truth into the surrounding brokenness. What if the flutter of joy and the irrevocable smile that overtakes me when I reflect upon these moments is experienced by our Creator and Savior when we worship Him by merely leaning to His rhythm? How can that not further stir in me a desire to love those precious to me all the better and to be aware of those He would like to add to my world?
I always want to be a student of the generation who Jesus commissioned to spread His story across the world!!!!!!!!!
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