In the midst of it all, I forget to document externally all that I etch within. If only I had the ability to instantaneously download my thoughts into written form! Of course, I would only utilize this ability on a voluntary basis, such as while driving in the jeep, sitting in class, or rocking on the front porch swing. But better yet, there are times right in the heart of an experience that I would love to click into download-mode in order to capture the words, ideas, & hopes that unite with my feelings and immediate environment to create a beautiful moment.
Over the last few months, I have become more aware of the small yet tremendously significant moments that have been given to me. These are instances of great joy, increased depth of understanding, surrender to God’s sovereignty, and the overwhelming recognition of the fragility and wonder of life. Wow… the end right there sounded a little like a bad 1970s birthing video, lol….however, I meant it in all sincerity as to the raw emotions and thoughts that have permeated the externals of my world and have begun to reside within my heart.
Today as I was reading, I again came across a statement about the power of supportive adults in students’ lives. "Adults inescapably exercise immense influence in the lives of teens-positive and negative, passive and active. The question therefore, is not whether adults exert influence, but what kinds of influence they exert (Christian Smith, Soul Searching, 28). I truly support this statement and strongly believe that I am wired to take hold of it with vigor, and thus respond to this reality so that the positive and active is present. However, if I only focus on this part of the equation, I become stifled by my imperfections, lack of confidence, and minimal experience. I overanalyze and hyper-focus on the ‘me’ part of everything. I do not consider the power of the Holy Spirit and the spiritual perspective that ties ‘his/her’ story with my story, and that of the Savior’s story. I want to delight in how all three: student, Jesus, and me all blend together. I want Him to break through the imperfections, timidity, and novelty and be who I can’t, see beyond the now, and do the unthinkable.
I recognize that He is the main character, and I at best am a co-star. However, the idea that I as an adult can make an impact on students almost places students as the audience, rather than an active player in the story, and I do not believe this to be the only case. In fact, more often than not I believe we are on this journey together, and I just as readily as they, have the opportunity to learn from the Holy Spirit and speak into my life. Most recently it has been impressed upon me the privilege I have been given to learn from the students who have been placed in my life. It is this acknowledgement that encourages me to attempt to immortalize some of my most cherished moments to date as a person who is ‘striving to represent Christ well and actually live life with students.’
As I will not be able to as vividly portray what is scrap-booked in my mind’s eye, I hope to capture enough in a string of words so that in years to come I can recall with brilliant color these intimate and profound moments….
Royal family…dinner…movie…just 3
School…jeep…notes….present at the classroom door
Wednesday nights…driving…sharing….learning
Discipline…tears…self-disclosure…consolation…hope
Gym…basketball…clarification…conversation…simplicity
Poverty…chaos…pleading…tears…truth…foundation
Home…laughter…games…family
Starlight…community…freedom…joy
First day of school…letter…smiles
Fear…panic…prayerful dependence…encouragement…peace
Conversation…safety…trust…accolades
Good night…prayers…confidantes
The 7-11 jaded soul…random conversation…prayer…seed planted
Windows down (or broken, lol)…country music…renovation
Status update…encouragement…bear hug
Music…worship…uninhibited…friends
Project… nervousness…surprise…gratitude
Miscommunication…hurt…unconditional love wins
…to those who helped create these moments, I love you!
So, I wonder if the way I feel in these moments is like the way God feels about us when we grow in our knowledge of who He is or when we act in response to the Holy Spirit in a way that stretches us and speaks Truth into the surrounding brokenness. What if the flutter of joy and the irrevocable smile that overtakes me when I reflect upon these moments is experienced by our Creator and Savior when we worship Him by merely leaning to His rhythm? How can that not further stir in me a desire to love those precious to me all the better and to be aware of those He would like to add to my world?
I always want to be a student of the generation who Jesus commissioned to spread His story across the world!!!!!!!!!
