Okay, so life is a beautiful and funny thing. Beautiful in the sense that I believe that God is continually giving me glimpses of the Kingdom, which is absolutely amazing, causing me to smile and laugh and experience His gifts in the present moment. Other times, these Kingdom glimpses are completely overwhelming…so much so that I am absent of words to express the experience itself. It is as if these instances go beyond receiving gifts from the Father to actually experiencing the presence of Jesus before me.
Upon my return from Detroit this summer, I made a conscience effort to be more intentional in the relationships in my life...when those people are in-my-face present and even when they are only with me in thoughts and prayers. The Acts 2 community has so much to offer, and the little taste we were given, I believe, acted as a slight indulgence in the Kingdom and has therefore, left me desiring more.
As a result, I somehow jumped into fully trying to live in the moment and love the people in my life well. I would love to say that I am succeeding at this feat; however, I think I am just a jumbled mess more often than not, lol... and especially considering the quality-quantity dilemma. But the ‘funny,’ that I mentioned previously, fits in as I continue to read from various authors with no intent to learn how to actually function in the Kingdom per say... yet the words tell me how to do so and strike me as supportive of my heart while being accurately aligned with Scripture. Yet I feel so upside-down from our culture when I attempt to live this way. But while reading, I am quite encouraged and now wondering if the complex awkward feeling I am having is the exact feeling I am supposed to have. Therefore, maybe it is the conflict between kingdoms that makes my efforts feel so jumbled, because the standard by which I am measuring my thoughts, emotions, and actions are earthly, finite, and fallible. Because if what I am longing for actually does go along with all of Jesus’ descriptions of how to live life (which I am hoping and striving they are)... then the completely foreign and “backwards” Heavenly Kingdom should seem confusing and complicated from a secular perspective. And being caught in the middle…I should expect to stumble and feel incompetent at times and maybe often. But the other ‘funny’ thing is… it is all of the relational gifts in between that make all my confusion in trying to live and love like Christ that is really the most motivating and inspiring of all.
Written December 3, 2010
