Surprising Showers

So here I am, again, at a moment in which I recognize the amazing gift I have been given in the sweet surrender of the Savior. The ebb and flow of life is worthy of a ponder once in awhile. It happens in so many arenas: relationships, professions, hobbies, and the spiritual life as well. Although this may sound odd, I believe it is important to consider the patterns of our lives, as I believe we see Jesus show up more readily when we are anticipating His arrival. Yet, He can catch us unexpectedly when this skill atrophies. On this day that is filled with rain, small surprises rather than precipitation are actually showering down. Coming out of inner-city Detroit only 2 days ago, I am shown that although I leave a place and people for whom/which I have hopes and dreams, I enter my hometown where the hopes and dreams I have for it collide with the other…and then these two worlds intersect with a third. It is at these “apex” moments when I feel the most alive in Christ. The Holy Spirit rushes through me like dynamite creeping along before full domination. OMGoodness!!!


Often times the plateaus of uncertainty cloud my view of the mountain-tops that await beyond. I hate to think that I once lived in the valley of my own perspective and not from the lofty view that He has of my life from above. Although I am not always given the opportunity, today has offered another glimpse of God’s perspective of my life. It is absolutely incredible to watch God reveal His glory through the “coincidences” of daily occurrences. When the timing of things unfolds so smoothly, I am at a loss for words; yet I bubble over with excitement. I knew He remained with me, as I have felt content for the most part over these last several months since deciding to use my degree in ministry rather than the public schools. However, God clearly reminded me today that He is working it out backstage where I am not given privilege to see. He works in such incredible ways. I feel ridiculously honored to take part in such a journey.

If you are asking yourself “What?”… I am sure you are not alone. I merely want to create a mental picture of my feelings so that I can relive them, as some in my life have so wisely guided me that such a writing exercise can do.

Yesterday, my friend and partner in ministry (Kev), shared our dreams with some very important people, and we realized that what we thought God wanted us to do may have actually been in preparation for greater things in the other town we have grown to love, Detroit. However, the positive responses of these other Godly individuals encouraged us that we were on the right path here as well. TWO AWESOMES AT ONCE!! Then, today out of the gray (haha…not blue skies) I had a wonderful discussion with a past colleague! The seed to a link between the church and the school was planted. This is such a big deal to me. The commencement of another dream unfolding before my eyes…maybe…I do believe so. I am invigorated again by His plan for my life. I am so stinking excited I can’t even stand it. If cloud 109 exists, I am there!!

Here’s the deal: I could have chosen to go to a different school and not met a professor who would have guided me into the graduate field I entered. I could have been bypassed for an opportunity to intern in the county where I grew up and feel led to use my abilities. I could NOT be going to the church where an extremely talented and Spirit-inspired individual has been called (the same school year I began graduate school) to guide the students in our area. That person could have chosen to NOT ask me to join him on this journey. I could have chosen to go my own path rather than God’s and said NO to that same offer. I could have been doing anything that may have prevented me from answering the phone today. Who knows? Oops! God does!! Wicked Sweet, lol. So there…I am overflowing with who God is and how He continues to show up in my life. Whether He enters in a valley or on a plateau, I believe He unveils the mountain when I need it. I didn’t even know I needed it, but here I sit recognizing this need and delighting in His grace all the more for sending it to me when I decided to be unprepared for His arrival. The best unexpected guest has once again walked through my door! And I am in awe!!

em :) <><

My Journey of Trust

Although I believe that we are continually being shaped- if not proactively... passively, I also firmly believe that there are defining moments that are etched into our memories as instances in which "who we're becoming" has been catalyzed by a gentle, yet powerful Hand. It is so incredible to me to think that His hand has been forming me and striving to get my attention for years. It's as if on April 22, 2009 the preface of my life's story was published and then revealed to its main character, ME! This reflection in itself represents how real, yet unbelievable the experiences of the last several months have been for me. In an attempt to share my heart with those I love, I hope to capture my journey thus far, in the following lines. I want to share my passions and pursuits- my heart!

The 2008-2009 school year, marked the final stages of my graduate degree in school psychology. I would finally be rid of graded papers, tests, and projects! No more mandatory studying on Saturdays!! Exciting and relaxing times awaited me! Yet, shortly after entering 2009, I was informed of the lack of employment opportunity within our county. As I was unwilling to forfeit anymore of my time with Jerm, family, friends, or ministry opportunities with EAC students, I began to wonder what I would do with my professional life. Unbeknown to me, this almost inevitable lack of employment as a school psychologist in the county was modifying my vision and hearing for God's path and voice to enter my realm of awareness. It also wouldn't be until much later that I would understand the reason for my continual feeling of restlessness and the frequent tears that accompanied me as I drove to work in the mornings! Internship was a taste of what I had been working toward for so long. So, what were these feelings about? I questioned if they spawned from my fear of failing, lack of proficiency, or the unknown. Funny thing, though, I was told I was good at the job. So what were the feelings all about, really?? With all of this said, I definitely had days of joy and a sense of effectiveness working as a school psychologist intern. Yet, not being able to freely share Jesus with students and parents was extremely difficult. The 3 to 4 direct hours I invested in students was gone in the blink of an eye. Although the students benefited, for sure, I was left wondering if they knew Thee ultimate educator and emotional healer! This level of accountability has struck me even more profoundly over the last couple of months!

In the midst of it all, I had the opportunity to attend a leadership conference for youth ministry workers. Work was busy, and I was in the most important time of my schooling....I was in the homestretch. I have always been under the impression that school/work is a priority, an important commitment, and thus I have a habit of not even taking off when I am sick. I even grew up disliking to miss school for vacation purposes or school privileges, because I disliked playing catchup and the feeling of not following through with my responsibilities. So, it was pretty amazing I even accepted the invitation to go to the conference in the middle of a work week and within the same week I was scheduled to take my national certification exam for school psychology! In fact, the initial flight was pretty surreal for this fact alone. But even more, I had been forewarned of the trip's possible influence and was waiting for God to show up! I was anticipating His arrival, but not really sure of how or why as He was already with me.

I guess I have always had tuggings of what was to happen next. I just didn't really see them in the same light. On the morning of April 22nd, I was presented with multiple questions and ideas from the heart of Francis Chan. Before the crowd of people of which I was a part, he asked "Can you be led by the Holy Spirit and be bored at the same time? And, does the Christian culture we create stun people to realize Christ is Lord?" Although I was not immediately struck with definite answers, these questions made me think. Most importantly, it was during this session that God spoke to me loudly and clearly! I was to be in youth ministry full-time! What an overwhelming experience! I am not one for getting emotional during a lecture/sermon/teaching, but I was emotional to say the least! I finally had the passion I desired and watched my dad have since I was young. I fell in love with Jesus that morning! He wasn't just my Savior, He had become so much more within moments!

So here I was, and I was being called...on a completely different path than I had expected. I was excited, scared, and completely overwhelmed!! By the end of the week, I was so pumped I didn't even want to take the early flight home to take my exam. However, I wanted to follow through and allow God to close all doors He didn't want me to enter. I also wanted to make sure that I was listening to His purpose for my life, not my own. I wanted to discern His voice...something new and therefore worthy of time, prayer, and study. I surrendered my life to Jesus. I was finally and truly TRUSTING.

This then led to the last few months. No school psychology positions became available while most of our surrounding counties had multiple school psychology positions open. Another job opportunity in the county to get my foot in the door was quickly opened and then immediately closed. Two individuals- a student and a coworker said " You should be a youth leader/minister" out of the blue. In reflection of this new revelation, I remembered a random conversation I had with one of my professors the first semester of graduate school concerning being upset about not having been able to work with the youth at my church for the last several years and now continuing to be prevented from doing so due to graduate school. This then reminded me of how much I loved my classes in Theology, Spiritual Formation, and Principles of Biblical Faith while completing my undergraduate classes at PBA, and how I became a youth leader for the church I attended during this period of my life. The students are all I have talked about during graduate school, even when I was not able to actively participate in Student Ministries due to scheduling conflicts...they were who I was thinking about and wishing I was spending time with. The flight home by myself from Chicago was encouraging, yet still confusing. It just so happened that a lay youth director sat beside me and began to question what I was studying as I prepared for my exam the following morning. As we began to talk, apparently Jesus just flowed out as I shared my recent experience and resulting thoughts. God even had my quiet time on the flight home prepped for intercession! So cool!

All of this has been shared just to say....here I am, a certifiable school psychologist who no longer wants to be a school psychologist. I never thought I would be the girl who changed her major...and I guess I'm not, since I have already graduated. But God has entered my world in a whole new way, and I am so excited! Being patient and waiting on the Lord's timing that last 3 months has been liberating yet so difficult. So many people have encouraged and put up with me throughout my schooling that I wanted to share this change of events in the most authentic way. With my whole heart, I appreciate all the support and love I have been given in order to complete school. Initially and at random moments, I still feel as if I am incompetent for my revealed purpose. Yet, if God left teenage disciples and the Holy Spirit to spread His Truth across the world, then the Holy Spirit and I can work in youth ministry together, despite my lack of training. God has, too, placed wonderful people in my life to guide me. His timing is so intriguing. Had I realized this sooner, who's to say all these amazing experiences and those yet to come would have played forth. I have wanted so desperately to share my excitement and am so loving that I am finally doing so. Although I have hopes, ultimately, I am not sure what lies ahead, but I am wanting to take hold of that which Christ took hold of me (Phil. 3:12). I want to live up to what I have already attained (v. 16).

em :) <><